DEAR ERIC: I have an etiquette question. For background, I went through a very difficult period in my life where my friends really showed me what a chosen family is, they saved me when I was completely on my own.
For Christmas I always have a Christmas dinner, where I make everything on my own, and make dinner for my close group of friends. For me this is my family dinner.
Given that, I make dinner, and it’s fully by my own hands. How do I politely tell people when they ask if they can bring a friend that no, they cannot?
I understand it sounds rude for me to say this family dinner is because my friends saved me, but I am making dinner for everyone, and it isn’t a party, it’s for my family. I know the holidays can be hard and sometimes people don’t have family to be around, but I also don’t have space and the extra funds to make dinner for people, especially those I don’t know.
– Trying Not to Be a Grinch
DEAR TRYING: Blame it on space and logistics. Because, from your letter, it sounds like that’s also one reason you can’t accommodate guests, even if it’s not the primary reason.
You can explain that you have a limited amount of space and food and you squeeze everyone that you can into that space, so there simply isn’t extra space for guests. Even if it was “just one more,” if everyone got a plus-one your gathering would be unwieldy.
It’s also not rude to say that you’ve curated the guest list carefully and your vision for the dinner is that it’s just these close friends of yours. You’re the host, you’re doing all the work; your friends will understand.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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